The Naughty Press

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read online at http://NaughtyPress.com/issues/052703.html

Captured by Cannibals

One day Fred, Jeff and Roger guys got shipwrecked on an island where they were captured by cannibals. They begged for their lives, and the leader of the cannibals said, "Ok, I'll give you two trials. I'll tell you the first one now and the second one later. The first one is to go out into the forest and pick 10 fruits, all of the same kind."

The three men set off to get their fruits. Fred comes back first, bringing 10 apples to the king. The king says, "Ok, now you have to shove them up your ass, but without flinching or displaying any emotions at all." Fred shoves the first apple up his ass just fine, but on the second one he flinches so they eat him and he goes to heaven.

Jeff comes back next and the king tells him the second trial. Jeff brought back berries, so he easily shoves the first 9 of them up his ass, but on the last one he laughs so they eat him and he goes to heaven too. There he meets up with Fred, who says to him, "You had berries, you coulda lived! Why did you laugh?"

Jeff says, "Yeah, I really was doing fine until I saw Roger coming back with all those watermelons!"

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Girl knows how to make friends

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,

"How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."


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